Girlboss in the Birth Room

For the past ten years, I’ve lived in my own quiet little corner of the birth— world teaching Birth Boot Camp classes and serving as a doula (a fancy word for labor coach). I’ve assisted in hospitals, home births, and freestanding birth centers, working alongside doctors, nurses, and midwives to support moms in their births. Most of these moms hire me because they want to avoid the epidural and birth their baby as naturally as possible.

I don’t often speak up about controversial topics related to birth because I know birth is tender and unpredictable and there is no one-size-fits-all kind of experience, but I’ve seen a problem go on for too long, I’ve heard too many stories alike, and I feel like I need to get this out.


The Girlboss Double Standard

The other day, after teaching a Refresher Class, I found myself thinking about the “girlboss” or “girl power” mentality in our culture. Google defines a girlboss as “a woman who is ambitious, confident, and takes charge of her career and life.”

Recently, I read an article about a local mom of six young children who earned her nursing degree. I teared up reading and thinking about the obstacles she must have overcome to get there. I don’t even know her personally, but I was proud of her. And I wasn’t the only one—. Her story was liked, shared, and applauded, as it should be.

Our society loves to cheer on women who break ceilings, chase dreams, and defy expectations. And I love that.

But here’s the irony: when women bring that same ambition and determination into the birth room, they’re often met with eye rolls, dismissive comments, or outright discouragement.

I unfortunately have heard it all:

• “You know you don’t get a gold star for that.”
• The smug after-comment, “We’ll just have to see…”
• Horror stories about women who “tried” natural birth and failed.

It is so interesting to me. The ambition to earn a medical degree is admired. The ambition to lead a company is admired. The ambition to run marathons and conquer strenuous fitness challenges is admired. But the ambition to run your own birth? Often scoffed at and discouraged.

Why the double standard? Why can’t we just call it what it is—, an incredible accomplishment? Why can’t we acknowledge the strength it took and the challenges that were overcome to achieve it?

Respecting Ambition Everywhere

Imagine if we treated other women’s career goals the same way:

• “You want to be a surgeon? We’ll see if you can really handle it.”
• “Don’t think you’ll get a gold star for becoming a CEO.”
• “My friend tried that, and it was a disaster—. You shouldn’t even try.”
• “You want to run a marathon? Are you crazy?! Do you have any idea how much that will hurt?!”

That would be absurd, right? But this is how many women are treated when they express a desire for an unmedicated birth and I’ve heard and seen it so many times. Instead of being cheered on and encouraged, they are treated like damsels in distress that need rescuing or silly children that need re-directing.

What if, instead, care providers responded with something like, “That’s a beautiful goal. I’m proud of you! Let’s do everything we can to help you achieve it.”

That simple encouragement could change everything.


Women Supporting Women

Is it comparison? An insecurity that keeps us from celebrating others achievements? Perhaps a fear of the unknown? Whatever it is, as women, we should know better by now than to tear each other down for aiming high. Whether it’s pursuing a medical degree, leading a business, or choosing to labor without interventions, ambition deserves respect.

Women deserve to be celebrated for their determination in the birth room just as much as in the boardroom.

I just wish we could do better.